Why Networking Feels Awkward (And How to Fix It From the Inside Out)

I once asked a group of 25,000 women what they disliked most about networking.

The number one response from those who answered?

Awkward conversation.

We’ve all been there.

You walk into a room. You don’t know what to say. You comment on the weather or talk about kids’ schools. You hover near the coffee table pretending to be interested in the creamer options.

But networking isn’t awkward because of the room.

Hard truth: It’s awkward because of the conversation happening inside your own head.

The Most Important Networking Conversation Is the One in Your Head

When working with business owners to improve their networking skills, the conversation always starts with a basic coaching framework:

• Circumstances lead to thoughts, which elicit emotions that drive actions that determine your results.

If you want different results from your networking endeavors, you must change your actions.

But you won’t change your actions until you change your thoughts.

If you walk in thinking:

• I don’t know anyone.

• They won’t like me.

• I always make this weird.

• I never know what to say.

• Am I overdressed? Underdressed?

Those thoughts create anxiety.

Anxiety creates awkward energy.

And then you become the very thing you were afraid of.

It’s never about the other people. It’s about you.

Notice What You’re Making Networking Mean

Most people never pause to examine their thoughts about networking.

Ask yourself: What am I making this mean about me?

Write it down.

Don’t edit it or censor it. Just get honest.

Once you've recognized your thoughts, you can evaluate their helpfulness through reframing.

Three Ways to Reframe Networking Anxiety

Here are three ways I teach women to reframe their thinking:

1. Reframe to the opposite

“I don’t know anyone here”
→ Everyone here was once strangers.
→ I might meet someone incredible.

2. Swap places with the subjects

“I don’t know anyone here”
→ They don’t know me.

That changes your energy entirely.

3. Turn it inward

“I don’t know anyone here”
→ Do I fully know myself?
→ Am I clear on my message?

Sometimes networking anxiety isn’t about the room. It’s about clarity.

How you talk to yourself determines how confidently you connect with others.

If networking feels awkward, don’t start by memorizing better questions.

Start by getting your mind right.

Because confidence in a room starts long before you walk into it.